GrAtITuDE

my boys
my testimony
my friends
my family
freedom
the drop of gas prices
  fuzzy and warm socks from the gap

ko gave a talk in primary at church.

the topic being "i am thankful to know i am a child of my heavenly father". 

i was so proud of him. he loves to speak at the podium. so today he was excited. he held up the pictures and repeated the whole talk that i whispered in his ear. it was awesome.

will he know how proud of him i am?

FaIrY GoDmOThErS

today was a bad day

where is my fairy godmother when i need her? 

she is suppose to show up when i'm crying on my pumpkin surrounded by mice with a torn dress.......and offer to babysit my kids 4-5 days a week, read them stories, making them cookies, kissing their owees, and loving them just the way i would.

shady fairy godmothers, they're so unreliable.

DeAr SaNtA

dear santa

for christmas i want
too
spee
d ra
cer
airplane, tractor
transformer
wal
m(x'd) w(x'd) l
e
books
candy 

ko has gotten into christmas this year.

he actually gets it. every time we go to the store it ends up being a "mom, c'mere, i want to show you this, you have to tell santa to bring this to me." or "i need to show what i want to get from santa claus." and of coarse i have really liked him getting into it because now i get to use the 'are you naughty or nice' routine. sometimes i even tell him if he can't obey me i will have to call santa and tell him that maybe he better not come to our house. this straightens out any problems we are having INSTANTLY!

he gets so excited about it so it's hard to tell him that santa can't bring him everything he wants............so i told him we should sit down and write him a letter.

when we got home from the store the other day he was SO ready to write his letter. i fed him lunch and cleaned up and we sat down for a couple minutes.

the whole time he was bouncing up and down right next to me, following me around, waiting for me to come help him. after i put e down for a nap, i told him i would help him.

we got out paper and colored pencils. 

i put my hand over his to help him to write and he pushed my hand away saying, "i can do it!"

okay fine! so he asked me how to spell 'dear santa'. i said "D" ..................and he totally put the pencil down on the paper and wrote a "D". WHAT?! how did he know how to do that? then I said "E", and he proceeded to write and "E". i was stunned. 

he is only 4, do 4 year olds do this? he had only ever shown me he could write and spell his name, but no other letters. the whole letter he wrote went like that. the only letter he couldn't remember was a "B" and instead of asking me for help he ran into the kitchen to see it on the magnetic letters on the fridge. then he came back and finished his letter.

what a smart boy.

i was impressed. he told me it was his homework.  at one point he made his "W" an "M" and i reached over there and crossed it out and wrote a "W" to show him and instead of leaving it there, he crossed my "W" out and wrote another one that he made himself. he was so funny about wanting to do the whole thing by himself. and i love the fact that the letters are all over the place and one word can take up two rows.

It SpEaKs

today e said "cole" for the first time. 
it really sounded like "COE" in a southern accent. he said it all day, he was so proud. for some reason he has been shy about talking. i know he can do it but he just hesitates. i was really happy. both ko and i clapped, and shouted YEAH!!!!! we were in the car driving home from the gym.

lately he has also taken a great interest in singing. we sing at night and in the car and yes, at church. he just pretends he knows the words and sings the whole song. at church he opens the hymn book and sits very still with a very large smile on his face singing along with the congregation.

i am so proud of my boys, it takes very little for them to impress me.....
 
ko also willingly ate an apple, (if you know anything about my boys is that they are the world's pickiest eaters that i am trying to reform)....... without a bribe, on his own just to show e that he was eating it too and that it was good.....even though he really hates them and as soon as e started eating it, he didn't have another bite. 
it made me get the "warm fuzzies" inside and got the motivation to move onto the next healthy item on the list........corn. 
i think we've come a long way from "you eat it or DIE!" 
okay, just kidding, it's actually, eat it or sit in a time out and starve until you do.....but it sounds more mafia the other way don't you think? 
every job needs a little drama.

MaN oF SnOw

we got snow

ko was anxious to play

trying out a snow angel

he made lots of little snow balls and tried to stack them on one another. i watched him from the window. 

he needed help making a snowman, so i went outside.

we did it together.
we rolled the snow into a balls all over the lawn and keep patting it solid. he was impressed how big my snowballs were.

we gave him "button eyes", didn't have a carrot for the nose, but found what we could. he loved him. as soon as he was done i rushed to the house and told him to have fun with his new friend. a few minutes later i saw him trying to pack baby snowballs on the sides for arms. 

it made me laughing. 

he came in soon after that. a couple hours later i saw the snow man leaning even farther than he was before and by three hours later, he bit the snow dust.....ko was sad, but i just told him that his snow man needed to lie down because he was tired and need a nap.

PrE -K

halloween is over, but we are still "webbing" people.

preschool had a fall party, 

ko was excited and shouted, 

"mom, hi!  come sit by me",

when we got there.

something is funny

story time

the teacher who is very kind and sweet

like a g-ma, we heart her

e came too

PuNkiNs

happy halloween everyone!

WhErE iS tHe WiTcH

witches are out.

how many witches you find will

determine if you get a cookie at the bakery or not. 

we always have fun with our friends.

outhouse witch

stretch

FaLL tRiP

my son melts my heart. 

he finds joy in the simple pleasures of life.

the school trip was so fun to spend with him.

i love u ko

I GoTtA gO pOTtY

what is worse than your kids not being pottery trained?

when they are and everywhere you go they are saying, "mom, i have to go potty!" and you have to drop everything your doing to seek one out. if you are driving you have to think about where you could stop to take them so there are no accidents. if you are in the store you have to go find one, and abandon your shopping cart.

so what is worse than them being potty trained and having to make emergency bathroom trips?

today i found out.

costco, shopping, i have to go pee, and can not wait until we get home. abandon cart? yes. what is worse? taking both of my boys into the girls bathroom into a teeny, tiny stall with me so they don't run away or get kidnapped trying to keep them from laying on the floor sticking their heads out the front of the stall to talk to people or to the sides to shock the woman peeing next door.......ko asking me if i have "ouchie poo poo's" really loud (since i am a girl and have to sit down, which is the only reason he sits on the potty), also did i forget to mention trying to wipe and get my pants up before they unlock and open the door? nice!

i'm not sure but i think that in addition to all this craziness e might have been licking the shiny cement floor.

i would rather die than go potty when we are away from home again!

ChUrcH

yesterday after church i picked up ko from his class.

he looked unhappy.

i asked him what was wrong. he said he lost the purple paper. 

he folded his arms across his chest and scowled, and a hummmp! came out of him.

i wanted to laugh but instead acted concerned.

i pursued him to tell me why he was upset.

he said, "i am bery mean!"

i said, "don't you mean mad?"
 

"no", he said, "i am MEAN!"

people in the hall were chuckling as we walked towards the door. when we got in the car he proceeded to tell me how "mean" he was and that he was "angry" (at least he used that appropriately), and when i told him that i didn't want him to be angry and that i loved him, he told me that i didn't love him. he was trying so hard to be upset and oppositional. by the time we got to the second stop light he was happy again, showing me his "smiley face".

e's new way of expressing himself these days is to say "mine!", which he did his fair share during sacrament meeting as he took all of ko's books and toys.

UnCerTaiNtY

it was conference this weekend.
so many good talks. 

  president monson said some great things that stuck out to me.  what a great prophet.
he said at one point that "nothing is as constant as 'change'".  he went through some examples of how change could affect us.


 change has always been a hard thing for me since i was a little girl.  maybe this was because a lot of the "changes" in my adolescence were hard to go through, ie:  my mom and dad getting a divorce, moving far away, getting a new dad, and mom, and a million new brothers and sister, switching back and forth between two household and their different dynamics and rules, being an outsider in a new school, etc.  
many of my friends and family know about the hard trials dan and i went through when he was diagnosed with cancer last year, right after e was born.  i thought i would die many times through out the whole ordeal, and in some ways i think that i did, or at least some parts of "me" did. it has affected me and changed me...permanently.....in so many ways.
today marked something meaningful to me.  it has been six months exactly that dan moved out.  a lot of people don't know, i have been in somewhat denial, somewhat limbo land, somewhat "if i don't talk about it, it isn't real" but we are separated.  another hard change. 

i have kept this a secret.

this has been extremely devastating and painful for me, and my kids.
i never thought i would be here, that i would be going through these type of changes.  i always thought of change as a new house, or a new job..........
i loved how president monson said that "we must adapt to the changes in our lives, we must find ways to enjoy the journey".
this has given me new focus, to try to find things to enjoy, even in this uncertain time in my life; and then to adapt.  this is the key.  some changes don't go back.  it's not like a "waiting the change out until things go back to "comfortable" type of a thing.
things happen, things you can't control.
this doesn't mean i will stop crying in the shower, in the car, and while watching the news on occassion, i think that is unavoidable, but i think it means that "this too shall pass" and i will be happy again once i am able to adapt to these changes.  

time heals all wounds.
 life is an experience, it's not perfect, just an experience. all experiences give us something, if we let them.
so i have learned today that my life will never stop changing.  change for everyone is different. and it will happen to us at different times in our lives, and in different ways. some changes are good, and some are not.  we can adapt, we can be happy.  this is a powerful lesson to me and anyone who gets "stuck" in a hard trial.  things may get worse before they get better.

 

disclaimer: this is me on a positive day.

ThE bArN

a dear mission friend of mine and his wife invited us up to their family's home. they have a little "farm" with a barn, cows, horses, goats, and of coarse ...tractors. the boys loved the tractors. it was so sweet of them to have us up and we got to sit and visit for a long time. sundays are hard to get through when you don't have a husband anymore. i loved being with their family.

tractors!

who's driving?

JeT