PuNkiNs

happy halloween everyone!

WhErE iS tHe WiTcH

witches are out.

how many witches you find will

determine if you get a cookie at the bakery or not. 

we always have fun with our friends.

outhouse witch

stretch

FaLL tRiP

my son melts my heart. 

he finds joy in the simple pleasures of life.

the school trip was so fun to spend with him.

i love u ko

I GoTtA gO pOTtY

what is worse than your kids not being pottery trained?

when they are and everywhere you go they are saying, "mom, i have to go potty!" and you have to drop everything your doing to seek one out. if you are driving you have to think about where you could stop to take them so there are no accidents. if you are in the store you have to go find one, and abandon your shopping cart.

so what is worse than them being potty trained and having to make emergency bathroom trips?

today i found out.

costco, shopping, i have to go pee, and can not wait until we get home. abandon cart? yes. what is worse? taking both of my boys into the girls bathroom into a teeny, tiny stall with me so they don't run away or get kidnapped trying to keep them from laying on the floor sticking their heads out the front of the stall to talk to people or to the sides to shock the woman peeing next door.......ko asking me if i have "ouchie poo poo's" really loud (since i am a girl and have to sit down, which is the only reason he sits on the potty), also did i forget to mention trying to wipe and get my pants up before they unlock and open the door? nice!

i'm not sure but i think that in addition to all this craziness e might have been licking the shiny cement floor.

i would rather die than go potty when we are away from home again!

ChUrcH

yesterday after church i picked up ko from his class.

he looked unhappy.

i asked him what was wrong. he said he lost the purple paper. 

he folded his arms across his chest and scowled, and a hummmp! came out of him.

i wanted to laugh but instead acted concerned.

i pursued him to tell me why he was upset.

he said, "i am bery mean!"

i said, "don't you mean mad?"
 

"no", he said, "i am MEAN!"

people in the hall were chuckling as we walked towards the door. when we got in the car he proceeded to tell me how "mean" he was and that he was "angry" (at least he used that appropriately), and when i told him that i didn't want him to be angry and that i loved him, he told me that i didn't love him. he was trying so hard to be upset and oppositional. by the time we got to the second stop light he was happy again, showing me his "smiley face".

e's new way of expressing himself these days is to say "mine!", which he did his fair share during sacrament meeting as he took all of ko's books and toys.

UnCerTaiNtY

it was conference this weekend.
so many good talks. 

  president monson said some great things that stuck out to me.  what a great prophet.
he said at one point that "nothing is as constant as 'change'".  he went through some examples of how change could affect us.


 change has always been a hard thing for me since i was a little girl.  maybe this was because a lot of the "changes" in my adolescence were hard to go through, ie:  my mom and dad getting a divorce, moving far away, getting a new dad, and mom, and a million new brothers and sister, switching back and forth between two household and their different dynamics and rules, being an outsider in a new school, etc.  
many of my friends and family know about the hard trials dan and i went through when he was diagnosed with cancer last year, right after e was born.  i thought i would die many times through out the whole ordeal, and in some ways i think that i did, or at least some parts of "me" did. it has affected me and changed me...permanently.....in so many ways.
today marked something meaningful to me.  it has been six months exactly that dan moved out.  a lot of people don't know, i have been in somewhat denial, somewhat limbo land, somewhat "if i don't talk about it, it isn't real" but we are separated.  another hard change. 

i have kept this a secret.

this has been extremely devastating and painful for me, and my kids.
i never thought i would be here, that i would be going through these type of changes.  i always thought of change as a new house, or a new job..........
i loved how president monson said that "we must adapt to the changes in our lives, we must find ways to enjoy the journey".
this has given me new focus, to try to find things to enjoy, even in this uncertain time in my life; and then to adapt.  this is the key.  some changes don't go back.  it's not like a "waiting the change out until things go back to "comfortable" type of a thing.
things happen, things you can't control.
this doesn't mean i will stop crying in the shower, in the car, and while watching the news on occassion, i think that is unavoidable, but i think it means that "this too shall pass" and i will be happy again once i am able to adapt to these changes.  

time heals all wounds.
 life is an experience, it's not perfect, just an experience. all experiences give us something, if we let them.
so i have learned today that my life will never stop changing.  change for everyone is different. and it will happen to us at different times in our lives, and in different ways. some changes are good, and some are not.  we can adapt, we can be happy.  this is a powerful lesson to me and anyone who gets "stuck" in a hard trial.  things may get worse before they get better.

 

disclaimer: this is me on a positive day.