e was sick today.
usual mornings he crawls in my bed
and wakes me up
with a 'bum-snuggle'.
last 3 days my 'bum-snuggles'
have turned into nose wipes and
ouchie tummies.
reminders of my sweet boy
on 'bum-snuggle' days.
Recent Posts
Showing posts with label poor little baby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poor little baby. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Monday, January 25, 2010
hOspiTaLs aRe IcK!
this little boy scared me real bad
when a golf ball bump
showed up on his neck.
showed up on his neck.
after a trip to the med professionals
the hospital started looking like the only answer.
after a blood poke, arm-pit IV, and a scan of grand proportions
we were told there was a bad infection and
we would be staying.
we would be staying.
i had to tell him this was not a joke....
he was hooked up to noisy machines for some medicine.
he was given a great diet of chocolate products
chocolate milk
chocolate ice cream
and chocolate chip cookies which made it
a little less sad....even though a bit unhealthier.
gma came for a visit with some games and toys which
saved us from our 5th movie for the day.
we went on a wagon ride
and a piggy back ride
and then went to bed.
needles hurt coming out too...more tears!
we were able to come home today if we promised to
take the very nasty medicine they would give us at home.
the bump is still there but has gone down.
the medicine is very gross and we have to take it over 5 times a day...no fair.
our first does made ko throw up making him get
his second bath for the day.
my poor little baby.....it made me very sad. the hospital made us
tired, full from hospital food, bored, and in pain, but
we got to spend the whole day together snuggling in a small
hospital bed away from the busy world.
it reminded me of small ko, when he
was a baby and how much i loved and adored him and how
happy i was that he was mine and
that god gave him to me.
i didn't want to let anything happen to him
and knew i would do anyting to protect him
from pain or hurt.
why don't we have more quiet moments to relish in these feelings and reminders?
(that don't include hospitals of course)
it made me realize that i am a good momma
and that he is a good son.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
rEaLiTy ChEcK
this week has been a really bad one for me. i don't think i have been this emotional since the week dan moved out almost a year ago.
i've been able to block out most of the pain before by
keeping myself busy in the gym, working on
personal goals, and staying deep in denial of what
is really going on....
but sometimes my sub conscience sneaks a peak of reality and it bites hard.
not to say that i don't know that things have a way of working themselves out,
but there are just those times when you just don't want to get out of
bed in the morning and face the music.
being alone is hard.
being a single mom is harder.
changing everything stable in your life as you know it is scary.
losing a spouse is like losing an appendage.....whether they die or just leave you.
putting on smiles for everyone makes you feel fake.
pretending your not sad that you don't "fit in" the way you used to....hurts
I want my life back.
i've been able to block out most of the pain before by
keeping myself busy in the gym, working on
personal goals, and staying deep in denial of what
is really going on....
but sometimes my sub conscience sneaks a peak of reality and it bites hard.
not to say that i don't know that things have a way of working themselves out,
but there are just those times when you just don't want to get out of
bed in the morning and face the music.
being alone is hard.
being a single mom is harder.
changing everything stable in your life as you know it is scary.
losing a spouse is like losing an appendage.....whether they die or just leave you.
putting on smiles for everyone makes you feel fake.
pretending your not sad that you don't "fit in" the way you used to....hurts
I want my life back.
my life, the one i deserve, the one i
wanted, the one i love living. it has been stolen from me. i want to steal it back.
my kids make it worth it. i love them so much.
i am getting divorced. and there is nothing i
can do about it.
do i blame the cancer? no
do i blame myself? no
i blame selfishness, and bad choices.
i've had a lot of time to think about this.
i've had very little control over how my has been for the past 2 years,
and little control of how it will be for the next little while.
but i know i did the best i could with what i was
given at the time, and i have very little to regret.
to the man i married, and the man you could have been
i will miss you
i guess this is the part where the "us" ends
all i can keep telling myself is....this is hard.
"I CAN DO HARD."
wanted, the one i love living. it has been stolen from me. i want to steal it back.
my kids make it worth it. i love them so much.
i am getting divorced. and there is nothing i
can do about it.
do i blame the cancer? no
do i blame myself? no
i blame selfishness, and bad choices.
i've had a lot of time to think about this.
i've had very little control over how my has been for the past 2 years,
and little control of how it will be for the next little while.
but i know i did the best i could with what i was
given at the time, and i have very little to regret.
to the man i married, and the man you could have been
i will miss you
i guess this is the part where the "us" ends
all i can keep telling myself is....this is hard.
"I CAN DO HARD."
Saturday, November 22, 2008
FaIrY GoDmOThErS
today was a bad day
where is my fairy godmother when i need her?
she is suppose to show up when i'm crying on my pumpkin surrounded by mice with a torn dress.......and offer to babysit my kids 4-5 days a week, read them stories, making them cookies, kissing their owees, and loving them just the way i would.
shady fairy godmothers, they're so unreliable.
